Tom Cruise is arguably the most intimidating movie star there is. He is less a human being than a physical manifestation of human will. He does his own stunts. He flies his own planes. Back in the days when everyone feared Covid would definitely bring the world to their knees, he offered hope; first by riding a real motorbike off a literal cliff to prove to the world that no virus could stop them from doing loads of stunts, and second by shouting murder Blue at his crew every time they walked in. closer than two meters from each other.
But it turns out that jaw-dropping sense of determination has always been there. On the Graham Norton Show last week, Cruise revealed that while filming The Outsiders in 1983, he had already eaten so much chocolate cake for such a long time that he ended up throwing up.
“I was like, ‘You know what, I’m going to eat chocolate cake in this scene,” Cruise told Norton. “I thought, because I had to do it in the scene, that’s part of the character. , I’m going to eat chocolate cake. We ended up shooting this scene for three days, we had 100 takes of me eating chocolate cake, and I had to keep eating it. Three Days of François [Ford Coppola] saying, ‘Let’s do it again.’ I was in sweet shock, I was throwing up.
You see? This is the fire that Tom Cruise was forged into. This is what he will go through to serve his art. Other actors might have chosen something less rich to eat for the scene. Other actors could have done this thing where they just push their food onto their plate with their fork without it ever coming near their mouths. But not Tom Cruise. Oh no. Cruise will go even further to achieve perfection. And it turns out, in this case, that extra step is to eat a lot of chocolate cake.
Now it all makes sense. Last year, it emerged that Cruise enjoys sending people the world’s most amazing cake, a decadent white coconut chocolate, as a Christmas present. I know because I’m a quarter of a year-long quest to somehow score one of these cakes for myself. But now it all happened. There’s a reason he sends cakes.
Because you’d think Cruise would want to send something a bit Tom Cruise-ier as a gift. Flight lessons, maybe, or running shoes, or just a bucket of your own sweat in gift wrap. But no. He sends a cake. This cake is a message. He said, “I ate a cake like this before, and threw up all over the place, and that made me the man I am now.” He said, “You too can be like me.” He said, “I want you to eat this cake as fast as you can, then vomit your lungs into a wire basket.”
When James Corden gets one of these cakes – or Kirsten Dunst, or Henry Cavill – they must know exercise. Cruise wants these people to achieve greatness the same way he achieved it, by gobbling up a cake and then falling violently ill.
Having said that, this might be one of the few times that I’m not intimidated by Cruise. Can I climb a skyscraper? No. Can I drive a motorcycle? No. Can I run with real conviction? No. But can I eat cake? You’re right, I can eat cake. I can eat cake like it’s old fashioned. Poor little Tom Cruise had to stop eating cake after three days. During this time, I could spend five or six days eating cake solidly. I would eat it in bed. I would eat it on the toilet. I could outdo Tom Cruise in the blink of an eye.
I know you are reading this, Tom, so please accept my challenge. Send me a cake this Christmas, and I’ll eat it all, all at once, on the bathroom, on Instagram Live. This is my promise.